What The
by XxMidnightRosesxX
Summary: Dark has been kidnapped by Risa! What is a twin to do when insanity strikes her town? Features: Gangsta Krad, Perverted Satoshi, Playboy Daisuke, Duckcrazed Risa, and one hancuffed Riku! AU rated T for falling in between K and T rating
1. Default Chapter

**What The-**

Disclaimer: I do not own D.N.Angel or its characters.

A/N: Yes! Finally! This story has come to life! (laughs evilly) Ghetto Krad shall rap and Risa shall like ducks! All is right with the world. Anyway, hope you enjoy the insane times.

**PART ONE: It Begins…**

"It's a duck. A little yellow rubber duck." Huge eyes stare at the toy. "Yes, it is." Really, Riku could not understand Risa's sudden obsession for ducks. "I must have it!" Risa screamed and ran into the store.

A few minutes later she came out, holding the rubber duck. "Risa, what the hell are you going to do with a rubber duck?" "Form an army and kidnap Dark." Risa ran off to finish her plan. Riku watched as her sister ran away. "What the hell?"

* * *

Satoshi sat down, watching chaos take over the class. "Bow down to my chipmunks!" Risa cries while throwing acorns at her classmates. "You have no chipmunks. Stop please!" Ritsuko's pleas were drown out by Takeshi's singing.

"_Once upon a time. Not so long ago. Tommy used to work on the docks. Union's been on strike. He's down on his luck…it's tough, so tough. Gina works the diner all day. Working for her man, she brings home her pay. For love- for love." _

Oh no! I'm running late, Riku thought as she raced through the halls. At one point she could have sworn she saw mushroom people dancing. "I must be-holy shit!" Riku opened the door to find her class in total chaos.

"Risa! What are you doing?" By this time Risa unleashed a cage full of wild ducks and many classmates ran for the nearest exit…The doorway! "NOOOO!" All Riku saw were shoes and legs.

* * *

"Daisuke, you must help me." Riku said during lunch. Usually she sat with Risa and Ritsuko. "We must fine out what's-whoa nelly!" Riku screamed in surprise at the sight before her. What happen next could not be put into words other than, "What the?"

"Sorry Riku, but you can't tell." "Why handcuffs?" "Satoshi's a police commander."

Riku laid on the ground. Her wrists tied by the handcuffs as the four boys stared down at her. All would seem fairly normal if Daisuke wasn't wearing a playboy bunny costume. "Am I the only sane one?" Riku asked as a ping-pong ball hit Dark on the face.

"Got him!" "Way to go Risa!" Soon the group was trampled by ducks, Risa, fan girls, and acorns. "My god! My virgin eyes!" Daisuke screamed then fainted.

* * *

Satoshi, Daisuke, Krad, and Riku sat in the library. After the kidnapping of Dark no one knew what to do. "Mind taking the handcuffs off me?" Riku asked, being the first to break the silence.

Finally being released from the chains of doom; Riku grabbed the sword of randomness and proclaimed herself Queen of England! "What the hell?" Ok, sorry that never happened. "Thank you." Instead…

"No, I like you in handcuffs." Satoshi said with a smirk. "You pervert!" Riku screamed, not knowing why everyone was so out of character. "Cause word on the streets is a strange mofo is insanizzle!" Krad finally spoke out. "Foshow white chick."

A thud was heard and once again the boys stared down at her. "This isn't her day." Daisuke said while still wearing his costume. "Why are you wearing that?" Satoshi asked trying to control himself. "Cause I'm feeling sexy!" Daisuke sang in a high voice then struck a pose. "HELL YES!" Satoshi pounced onto Daisuke. "Whoa, that's some shitnits!"

* * *

"Risa, why are you doing this?" Dark asked in a calm voice. "I love you Dark! We must always be together!" Risa said while walking slowly towards her prey…her love…her life. (_A/N: Whoa…creepy…) _"Risa, let me go!" "Hush dear. My evil sister and her friends will never come between us again. Not when I hold the key." Risa was indeed holding a key.

"What?" Dark stared in confusion. "This key is the Key of Insanity. I am able to change others by using it. I have the power!" Dark watched in amazement as Risa attempted to laugh evilly. "Mawahahahaha…hehe..haha…oh forget it!"

A/N: Tell me what you think by reviewing. More to come soon... Oh and before I forget, any idea for a better title? I don't mind this one, but I'm wondering if something else would sound better.


	2. Part Two: Our Quest

A/N: Whoa! People like the story! (daydreams of stardom…movies…world domination, ha-ha) Anyway, here's Part two.

PART TWO: Our Quest…

Riku open her eyes to find that she was lying on a bed. Oh god! Riku gave a sigh of relief when she saw her clothes were still on. "Yo, white chick is up!" Krad announced from the doorway.

One muffle cry and crack of a whip later Satoshi entered the room. "Where am I?" Riku asked while beginning to feel frighten. "My house. The librarian threw us out so we decided to come here." Satoshi said, slowly moving towards the bed. "Don't come near. I'll kick your ass!" Riku rolled off the bed just as Satoshi sat on it.

"_It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small small world." _Takeshi's singing could be heard. "Word, time for a gangsta rap." Krad shouted and ran out of the house to meet Takeshi.

"Yo, you look kinda lame. Better be tamed. Like a pig in a wig, you eat figs. So come on! Yea, I like chicken. So come on!" Krad's song ended after a little break dancing. "My turn!" Takeshi said and began. "_If you wish upon a star. Makes no difference who you are-_"Shut up!" Krad yelled and ran back inside Satoshi's house.

* * *

Daisuke waited patiently as everyone talked. Riku was sitting next to Daisuke while still complaining about the handcuffs. "Why won't you let me out?" "Cause it gives me pleasure." Satoshi replied with a smirk, but he was staring at Daisuke. The doorbell ran and the four jumped. "Who could it be?" Daisuke asked, wondering what horror was waiting for them. 

"Hey honey buns! Open this door. It's your awesome, hip guardian here to help you out!" The voice came from a female and Daisuke suddenly questioned, "Mom?" Krad open the door and Emiko stood there. "Hey my brother from another mother. What's up?" Emiko said and high-fived Krad. "Mom, what are you doing here?"

"Duh! Like I said, I'm here to help you all out." She sat on the other side of Daisuke and noticed something very odd. "Is that a hickey?" Daisuke's face instantly went red as Riku screamed, "Holy mother of elvis! Who the hall gave you that?" A cough which sounded like the word 'Satoshi' gave her a hint. "Oh my god!"

* * *

"What you're saying is my sister is being controlled by a key?" Riku asked, not understanding how a simple key could have powers. Emiko nodded and smiled. "Very good. You get a cookie." Emiko grabbed a chocolate chip cookie and stuffed it into Riku's mouth. 

"The Key of Insanity. How do we defeat it?" Daisuke asked as Satoshi played with his hair. "The Sword of Randomness is the only thing which can conquer the key!" Told ya! Yahoo, I totally kick ass! Dr. Pepper is awesome. "Who's that?" Emiko asked. "Don't say anything. Just ignore her." Riku replied while rolling her eyes.

"You four must save our world! Destroy that key!" The word key echoed as Emiko slowly vanished. "Wow, I never knew my mom could do that."

* * *

"Ready? Let's go!" Riku said and lead the small group. "Where is the sword?" Satoshi asked and stood right behind Riku. "Move your horny ass back." "I'll take that as I don't know." 

Takeshi hid in a bush. "Whoa nelly." Quickly he ran; over mountains, through cities, through a stampede of wild buffaloes till he reached…"Risa! The four are out to destroy you." Takeshi announced while bowing at her feet.

"I know. Riku wants to find the Sword of Randomness." Risa's brown eyes focus on Dark. "I will not allow her to! Send out the warriors." Takeshi nodded and went to tell the others.

* * *

"What's that up ahead?" Daisuke asked the others. A large structure was a few miles away. Once standing before it the four were confused. "A giant wooden llama?" Satoshi spoke first while raising an eyebrow. "This reminds me of a story I head in history class." Riku said while trying to remember. "You're right! When learning about foreign ancient times." Daisuke said with a smile. 

"This is tight!" Krad yelled and touched the llama's leg. A door swung open and hit Krad on the head. "Hell no. Bitch did not do that!"

A/N: There you go people. Tell me what you think by reviewing. Speaking of reviews I must thank all of them…

_Reviewer_: Thank you! Your wish has been granted.

_cHaOtIc cOOL_: Title shall not be changed. (widen eyes) Ah! Don't send out the ducks. I gave you want you wanted...(hides behind a crate. waves flag which says,) Thanks.

_Angel Dream Aino_: Thanks, well my fic is going somewhere...even if it's a little plot...;

_Kitedragon_: Thank you for the review! Glad you think it's interesting. Don't worry, I'm planning on finishing the story. Don't know when, but one day it shall come to an end.

_Cleopatra2_: Lol, well I hope you like this chapter as much as the first one. Thanks for the review.


	3. Part Three: Attack Squirrels!

A/N: Sorry this took so long to update! I was fighting writer's block, school work (glares), soccer games, and softball games! Finally, Part three is here. The worse part out of the four I written…(teartear) ;;

**PART THREE: Attack Squirrels!**

Before the group appeared, "Squirrels?" Riku questioned with a raised eyebrow. "My sister sent out an army of squirrels?" Daisuke's eyes widen and he squeaked out, "Satoshi!" Looking back Riku yelled, "Stop the sexual harassment! You're a police commander for Christ sake!"

As this was going on Krad began to fight. "Your mother is so fat some mistake her for a porcupine!" Before Krad could say anymore; dozens of squirrels threw themselves at him. "NOOOO!" Krad's scream of horror cause Riku, Daisuke, and Satoshi to stop arguing.

* * *

"_Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world. I want to be the one that walks in the sun. Oh girls, they want to have fun._" Takeshi sang while walking amongst the flowers. Suddenly Takeshi was pushed into a bush. "What the-"Tell me where Risa is." Ritsuko held onto Takeshi's wrist.

* * *

"AH! The squirrel has my hair!" Krad screamed and Satoshi began attacking the hair eating squirrel. While this was going on Riku and Daisuke were slowly walking away. "One…Two…" Riku was counting to three; when Daisuke and her would run.

"THREE!" Riku and Daisuke ran away just as Krad flung his hair around. The squirrel flew through the air and was heading straight for…"Flying squirrel!" Daisuke was hit right on the head.

* * *

"Why do you want to know where master is?" Takeshi asked with a glare. Ritsuko rolled her eyes. "Risa's my friend. Just led me to her!" Takeshi sat there for a few seconds then suddenly became happy. "Ok!" Ritsuko nodded and followed Takeshi. This day was getting stranger and stranger…

* * *

Daisuke, Riku, Satoshi, and Krad found themselves at a dead end. Of course, it wouldn't be this way if any one of them had a sense of direction.

"Daisuke, pose for our enemy!" "What!" Daisuke half screamed while turning red. Riku rolled her eyes. "Satoshi, calm yourself down." "Can't I have some entertainment before I die?" With a sigh, Daisuke stood in between his friends and the squirrels.

Suddenly Emiko appeared from behind the squirrels. "Mom?" "Here Daisuke, take this sausage and defeat these squirrels." The word squirrels echo as Emiko vanished. "Word! Craze guardian has skills!"

Everyone stood still. All were wondering what Daisuke would do. Krad grabbed onto Riku, Riku tried to get a hold of Satoshi, and Satoshi…Well he was just enjoying everything. Finally, Daisuke was ready.

-insert dramatic music/pause-

"FETCH!" Daisuke screamed and threw the sausage. The squirrels did not move as the sausage flew past them. Silence followed as the group just stared at Daisuke. "You idiot." Satoshi said right before the squirrels pounced on all of them.

* * *

"Master, I brought Ritsuko to see you." Takeshi bowed and walked out of the room. Risa turned around to face her friend. "Ritsuko, what a pleasant surprise." Ritsuko placed her hands on her hips. "Risa we need to talk. You've been acting so weird lately."

"Hush dear." Risa said quickly and looked around. "The walls have ears." "Risa, I know about your key and I'm here to claim it!"

* * *

"I can't believe we survived." Riku said as the group made their way out onto the street. "My tail was ripped off." Daisuke whimpered, but held back the tears. "I'll sow it back for you." Satoshi said with a grin. Slowly Daisuke backed away. "It's alright. Who needs a tail anyway?" Daisuke threw the little bunny tail away.

"So, where do you think the sword might be?" Riku asked while looking around. "Why don't we look in there?" Daisuke pointed across the street. Sword R' Us store was located there. The flashing light told the world they were open. "Talk about a small word…"

* * *

"It's mine!" "No, it's mine!" The two girls fought over the key. Dark watched from his place; hanging on the wall. "Ladies." Dark began turning on the charm. "Why don't you forget about the key and enjoy a date with me?" Risa and Ritsuke stood there. It was a great deal…

"NO!" The two fought again and Dark sighed. "When will anyone rescue me?" The thief began to cry. The noise level in the room soared.

A/N: Well, tell me what you think by reviewing! Not the greatest part, but I did enjoy writing the FETCH scene (smiles). Anyway, it's thank you time!

_Angel Dream Aino_: Thanks for the review! Glad you like the rap. Actually I got the idea for that paragraph from tons of movies. Don't know which ones. lol, but what Takeshi says sounds like something out of a Jet Li movie.

_Kitedragon_: Thanks! If this one isn't strange enough, then I don't know what is. I was fighting writer's block while making this. Hopefully I didn't scare too many people (sweatdrop) As for the llama...I just like llamas.

_M36NU7_: (widen eyes and bows down) Master, I luv your fics. Show me the way. (becomes a worshipper) -cough- ok anyway...Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoy my story. Wish semi granted...This part is a little longer. Probably by a few sentences. (nervous grin)

_Trever_: Thanks! (smiles) Sorry you don't like perverted Satoshi. I've been reading too many Sato/Dai fics and couldn't stop myself.

_yushi4234_: Glad you like the characters! Thanks for the review! They're be staying for quite a while (laughs evilly)

_hanna_: Hello! (waves) Thanks! Well, I hop you like this part.

_Tsuki Fox_: (PART ONE) Thanks! I think you explain yourself great. Risa is evil, isn't she? (laughs evilly) -cough- anyway, my life is pretty normal except for the stupid moments consisting of trips, injuries, stutters, spit flying, getting stuck on the stairs in school, the tac of love, etc...Yea, life's normal. lmao. (PART TWO) Thanks again! Llama, llama! lol, signs of the epcolipse? Hmmm. Interesting...Actually my Chaos and a Fan Girl story (shudders) **IS **the epcolipse. Luckily, I took it down and deleted it. It shall never return! (insane laughter) Takeshi is there for musical relief (lol) well I believe this part was the most disturbing...

_KooriMetaruRenkinjutsushi_: Wow, that's a lot to type. Thanks for the review! (looks down at feet) awesome my own minion! (laughs like a maniac) Glad you like it and this better be the craziest story! (glares at fellow insane stories) Ahem, anyway, have a nice day! (smiles and waves)

_Beezlee_: (PART ONE) Thanks! Glad you like this story.


	4. Part Four: Swords R' Us

A/N: YES! PART FOUR IS MY BABY! (cuddles notebook-coughcough-) Anyway, here's the part which I didn't have trouble writing.

**PART FOUR: Swords R' Us**

Satoshi opened the door to the store. The four walked inside and were instantly greeted by big bulky men. "Hey! We're having a special today. Buy two swords and you get the third half off!" "Damn straight homie!" Krad held out his hand to receive a high five. "Ain't no wiggers allowed in dis store!"

"I'm black! I'm black! I'm defiantly ain't white!" Krad screamed and that's when the angry mob began to form. "AHHH!" Krad ran down the aisles and soon the three lost sight of him. "Happy days are here again." Riku said and turned to the two boys. "Which aisle should we look through first?" "I vote the aisle which holds all magical swords which defeat great evil." Daisuke said and pointed to luck aisle 13! "That's my bunny." Satoshi smiled and patted Daisuke on the head.

"You shall die!" Daisuke instantly replied in the exorcist voice. Riku and Satoshi slowly began backing away from the red head. "Ok Daisuke calm down-Daisuke!" Riku screamed as she saw Daisuke jump on top of one of the employee's back.

* * *

Ritsuko held the key in her hands. "Yes, I am the leader of the world!" "Its ruler, hun. Not leader." Risa explained calmly from her position on the wall. "Whatever." Ritsuko replied and called out for her servant. "Takeshi!"

The boy ran inside the room. "Yes new master?" "Go find Krad, Daisuke, Satoshi, and Riku. Capture them and bring them to me." Takeshi bowed and replied, "As master commands."

* * *

"Find the sword yet?" Riku asked for the fifth time. "Nope." "No." Came the same replies. By this time Daisuke had calm down, yet the question still remains. What the hell made Daisuke act so out of character? "Duh! The Key of Insanity." Riku rolled her eyes at the narrator's sad attempt at a joke. Laugh people! The gods command it!

Anyway…All was calm until, "There's fuzz on my finger." Satoshi announced as he looked at the grey piece of lint. "Yea and your point is?" Riku snapped back. The future of the world was at stake and all Satoshi could think about was fuzz! "It won't come off!" Satoshi complained as he shook his finger.

* * *

Takeshi was walking through the city. He couldn't find the four anywhere! "_Oh where oh where can my little dog be? Oh where oh where can he be?_" Finally, a sign came to him. Really, it was just a bird crapping on his head, but still! "Swords R' Us!" Takeshi pointed across the street while wiping off the poopie.

* * *

15 minutes later…Satoshi was still shaking his finger. "It's stuck!" By this time Daisuke came to help him. The two could not get the damn fuzz off of Satoshi! "Never fear! Takeshi's here!" Takeshi ran into the aisle. "Oh god." Riku sighed and shook her head.

Suddenly the music of the sound system changed… "Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! I got fuzz on my finger and I don't know what to doooOOOooo!" Satoshi sang. "Damnit! Damnit! Damnit!" Takeshi sang back up and Daisuke continued the song. "Satoshi has fuzz on his finger and I can't seem to heellllppPP!" "Oh, he can't seem to heellllppPP!" Takeshi sang then Satoshi sang the last verse. "Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! My finger is red and hey! The fuzz is oooffffffff!" "Fuzz is off!" Daisuke and Takeshi sang together.

All the while Riku stood there watching and listening. Her mouth was opened by the middle of the song and at the end she mouths the words 'what the hell?'

* * *

Krad hid inside the staff room. "Man! White boys can jump!"

A/N: You all know you love the song. It's addicting isn't it? Please tell me what you think by reviewing. Please and thank you.


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